I forgot our kids believe I love you

 

Rodeo clown Flint Rasmussen

Image via Wikipedia

 

I picked up a box of magnetic poetry country love songs at Barnes & Noble. They have some good ones like, “She won’t get under me until I get over you,” and “If love were oil I’d be a quart low.”

So I tried my own:
Damn your buns and black heart!
You stomped and tore out my heart.
I want your biscuits in the oven. 

I’ll marry you if you go away.

I love silver, just ask my mama.
Hell, my heart is plastic.
I miss the lips you kiss.
I forgot our kids believe I love you.
I miss you but now you won’t leave me.
I get my redneck honeymoon every day.
You’re the only pretty baby you’ll know.
If there was a rodeo clown cemetery, would it be funny?

the buick devil part 2

Sure it was sweet at first with its comfy seats and “rack and pinion steering” whatever that is. It sneered at me while spitting out exhaust. I swore I saw it stop and start by itself when I tried to get in.

One stone cold night after work, I sat at an intersection off the I – which was I-94 in Wisconsin but since it was the only interstate in WI we just called it the I. I innocently waited for the light to turn green just so I could get home and warm my frozen toes but it just sat there. It stalled and the steering wheel didn’t work. Cars honked, people drove around. I cried and my tears froze right on my cheeks.

If I listened real hard I could hear Devil Car laughing, “Oh you’re such a dumb twenty-year-old blond! It took you four years to get up enough courage to get your license. I’m your first car. I’m gonna have fun with YOU.”

Devil Car turned over and over and just as I envisioned myself walking home in below zero weather, he finally started up. I drove with my head down in case anyone from high school recognized me on the I.

Another night, while driving home from my fiance’s mom’s house, I listened to Robin Gibb‘s version of “Oh Darlin'” on the tape deck. The car must have been a Beatles fan and hated Gibb’s version because I hit a patch of ice, did a 360 and almost went down an embankment. Thankfully I stopped spinning before going over.

I felt like Job being tested by God. Well, maybe not that severe but still. Finally I said, “That’s IT!” My relationship with this car mirrored the relationship with my fiancé. Whenever he made a crack about my big butt, Devil Car chuckled. Whenever he told me to do something with my flat hair (because all girls had ocean wave hair back then) Devil Car guffawed.

I called off the engagement but he said keep the car and the engagement ring. No way. I traded the ring for my sister’s winter coat and traded in the car for a little slightly used 1987 Sundance. I spotted Sunny with a For Sale sign in the Piggly Wiggly parking lot. It had a smiley face for a grill gloriously painted in a delightful shade of candy apple red.

It was like a little puppy pawing at me behind a glass cage at a pet store. “C’mon in,” it said with its driver’s door open wide, “the seats are fine!”

And I did, never to see the Devil again.

step on a crack, break your spine

Break your mother’s back.  This is why you wear a back brace as a kid if a doctor says so. The X-ray on the left is from when my back curved 80 degrees from scoliosis over four years ago.

2 rods, 25 screws, 2 pelvic bolts and 16 total hours of back surgeries later and viola! An almost straight spine and 3 more inches of height.

I had surgery when I was 36. The poor girl in this story suffered from the same affliction at only 11 years old.

Kids teased her and called her “Hunchback of Notre Dame” from the way she walked. Kids are cruel, that’s true, but at least she can now stand up to them.

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presidential FAIL

Last year my daughter had to choose a president for an oral report. I suggested Richard Nixon as an excuse to visit his library in Yorba Linda. I got a little too into it because I tried to get her to use my limerick as an added bonus:

 

Richard Nixon was the president
Of the White House he was a resident 

He got a lot of hate
Because of Watergate

And for quitting he set a precedent.

 

 

Luckily she didn’t use it and still earned a good grade.

 

 

 

holding that rope

lamb and rope cropped

we don’t come out of the womb laughing or
angry we come out crying

for nine months we soak in warm baths they take
us out hold us up covered in gook

nurses like angels descend cleaning
checking every orifice – we’re here on

loan from God – He comes to take my son back
he stands there with Jesus His hand on his

shoulder to guide him into the woods the
angel says he won’t go until you

say so and I say no I’m not ready
I have two sons right here the angel says no

you have one son on earth and one with God
I tie the rope from my house to the cross

and hold on

the girl my son loves calls me with one hand
other one holds my son covered in blood

I speak with detectives and mortician
they ask me his birth date the same info

I filled out at hospital 22
years ago now his death certificate
and I keep holding that rope God

lent him for 22 years and I must
give him back – my soul is sick – I miss my

baby boy.

a vagabond dreamer: waylon jennings

waylon jennings photoshopped

“My daddy was the hardest-working man you ever saw. He did everything at one time or another. He worked in the fields, he ran a creamery, he owned a gas station, he drove a fuel delivery truck.

One time he broke his back; he’d been working over in Hobbs, New Mexico, and a piece of lumber fell on him. He got out of the hospital, in a back brace, and immediately went out and pulled cotton.

It hurt so bad he had to do it on his knees, but he wanted to get us money for Christmas.” ~Waylon Jennings