that’s enterplainment

Adam Carolla at 107.7 The End's Lonely Hearts ...

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Jerry Seinfeld coined a term on Twitter called  “Enterplaining.” It’s complaining and entertaining at the same time.  Adam Carolla has perfected Enterplaining.  On his podcast, he has a segment called “What can’t Adam complain about?” He’s complained about everything from the lifting of prohibition to his bathrobe belts.

However, in real life, someone who constantly complains is draining. But in entertainment, it’s as funny as all get out. Since I don’t get my complaints out verbally (most of the time), I’ll note them here and hopefully you find them enterplaining:

  • Playground parents obsessed with cleanliness.  If you’re so clean, don’t bother bringing your kids to the park. One mother looked horrified when my barefooted daughter stepped on her blanket.  If you don’t want your kids to play with others, play with the your kid in your own backyard.
  • People who don’t like dogs.  I don’t have an example, I just don’t know how someone could not love a dog unless one mauled them when they were young. Then I’ll give them a pass.
  • Whenever I put a schedule together, I get upset when life messes it up. I know life happens when you’re making other plans, and I don’t know if John Lennon or John Chancellor said that but c’mon! Let something go right at least some of the time.
  • Not knowing what to throw out.  The stuff I do throw out I regret soon after. When we moved, I tossed everything I wrote since college. Granted it wasn’t all Hemingway but every poem and journal got chucked. I also got rid of children’s books that my older daughter grew out of, but my younger one still enjoys. She’s almost 8 and still likes to read from picture books. Bad mom.
  • People who swim backwards in a crowded pool without looking behind,  I know you’ve perfected your back stroke and you like to float, but the bruises on my legs from people slamming into me aren’t going away soon, okay?
  • Driving through gas station lots. Today 3 cars in a row pulled out in front of me like I wore a cloak of invisibility.  Just because I’m driving slow doesn’t mean I’m not here.
  • Books with REALLY LONG acknowledgements, forwards and introductions. Nobody reads the thank yous except for kith and kin and if you forget someone they never forgive you.  Remember when Julia Roberts thanked everyone who worked on the movie Erin Brockovich except Erin Brockovich? Make like an Oscar acceptance speech and keep it short.
  • I also don’t need friends writing your forwards telling us how great you are. The can use it for your eulogy. Lastly, work your introductions into the body of your book because I read at night and I don’t want to fall asleep before the good stuff.  Capiche?
  • Finally, people who complain too much.  Save it for reality television.
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